Yes, No, and the Power in Knowing the Difference
One of the biggest challenges leaders face isn’t strategy.
It’s decision-making.
Specifically, knowing when to say ‘yes’, and when to say ‘no’.
Two mindsets I often coach around seem to contradict each other at first glance.
But when you understand how and when to apply them, everything starts to shift.
Here are two very different ideas, let’s talk about them.
Say ‘yes’, unless it has to be ‘no’.
If it’s not a ‘hell yes’, it’s a ‘no’.
Both are useful. But they serve different purposes.
When "Yes" Opens Doors
One client came to coaching stuck in analysis paralysis.
They were waiting for the perfect opportunity, the perfect time, the perfect clarity before taking any action.
We worked on a new approach: Say ‘yes’ more often.
To connection, new roles, and stretch projects they didn’t feel fully ready for yet.
The result?
A lateral move that didn’t look flashy on paper but led to mentorship, visibility, and a direct path to a role they had been dreaming about.
They wouldn’t have gotten there if they had waited for a no-brainer offer.
Sometimes, you say ‘yes’ because growth doesn’t always announce itself with a spotlight.
You say ‘yes’ to the coffee meeting.
‘Yes’ to the panel you feel nervous about.
‘Yes’ to exploring something uncertain but aligned.
You don’t need every answer to move forward.
You just need a reason to try.
When “No” is the Most Powerful Choice
On the flip side, I’ve coached leaders who were overwhelmed, overcommitted, and saying ‘yes’ to everything.
Every board seat. Every project. Every request.
They were exhausted, resentful, calendars and inboxes overflowed and they were starting to lose the thread of what mattered most.
That’s when we brought in the other filter.
If it’s not a ‘hell yes’, it’s a ‘no’.
One client used it to walk away from a role they had outgrown but felt obligated to keep.
Another used it to renegotiate their schedule and reclaim their time.
Every ‘no’ they gave opened space for something better.
Something more aligned.
Something worth their full energy.
So Which One Is It?
Use “say yes unless it has to be no” when you’re hesitating out of fear, imposter syndrome, or perfectionism.
Use “if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no” when you’re stretched too thin and trying to do everything.
Both require courage.
Both ask you to trust yourself.
Both are acts of leadership.
Both need a high level of clarity and alignment.
Ask Yourself:
Where have you been defaulting to ‘no’, when a ‘yes’ might open a door?
Where have you been saying ‘yes’ out of guilt, habit, or fear of disappointing someone?
What would change if you applied one of these filters right now?
The difference between stuck and aligned often comes down to the decisions you make in the small moments.
2024